What to do if Your Spouse Discovers You’ve Been Looking for an Affair Online

Man using laptop in bed as his wife tries to sleep
“Is he working or doing something else?”

In theory, cheating on your wife is pretty easy. Just do it and don’t get caught. In reality it’s different. There are so many ways to get caught, which means you need to come up with a ton of ways to go about it in secret. On top of that you need to master the art of lying and compartmentalizing any guilt or other negative emotions you feel that can give you away. One of the easiest ways for men to cheat is to mean women online. It can be done in relative secrecy and it’s easy to keep doing it. But that doesn’t mean it’s risk free. So what happens if your spouse discovers what you’ve been doing on the Internet?

Feign Ignorance

This tactic is only going to work if your wife is considerably less computer savvy than you are. If she doesn’t understand computers or the Internet very well, you can spin the situation one of several ways. If she’s stumbled on your browsing history, lie and say it’s something to do with browser cookies and online ads. Make it sound like what she’s seeing are just suggestions that popped up. Like we said, she needs to be really naïve in regards to the Internet in order for this to work.

Admit a Part of the Truth

If it’s your browser history that got you caught and your spouse is familiar with all things computer, it might be best for you to admit a partial truth. Tell her you saw an ad and got curious. If your browser history is full of adult dating websites, this excuse obviously won’t fly. Either way, you’re going to be in trouble. Admitting part of the truth might make it easier on you. Tell her you were curious. Tell her you wanted to know what it was all about. Under no circumstances do you tell her that you wanted to cheat on her with someone you met online.

Deflect and Defend

So she snooped around on your computer. There’s your ammunition. If she accuses you of wanting to cheat, turn it around on her. Launch an attack based on the fact that she invaded your privacy. It’s a dick move, yes, but sometimes it works as a deflection from the real issue. If you really want to lay it on her, bring up other things she’s done in the past that have hurt your relationship. The more ammunition you have against her, the better it’s going to look for you.

Say it Doesn’t Mean Anything

Teen Boyfriend and Girfriend in Discussion
“Tell her that you were not at all serious about online dating”

Tell her that what you’ve been doing isn’t anything different than looking at porn. Unless she’s been thorough in her snooping, she might not have a clue how bad you’ve been. Treat it like a casual issue. Tell her you were looking at pictures of other women and getting off. As long as she doesn’t know you were actually interacting with these women, you might get away with it.


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